How to Cope With Rejection

Picture by Sean MacEntee via Flickr

It’s been a difficult couple of weeks- I’ve been balancing finishing my thesis with applying for jobs and going for interviews- all of which have been unsuccessful.

Rejection is not a nice feeling as I’m sure you all know; it makes you feel worthless, it saps your motivation and it makes the future seem hopeless.

However, life goes on past these rejections and if you’re going to make the most of it and not waste your opportunities, then being able to cope with rejection is a skill you are going to have to develop. If you don’t, it will begin to prey on your mind, affecting your attitude at other interviews which will decrease your chances of doing well and create a downwards spiral of rejections that will eventually lead to you losing all hope and doing something stupid like jumping off a bridge/ doing amateur porn/ working at McDonalds/ marrying for money- depending on your inclinations.

I kid (mostly) but the fact remains that dwelling on rejection, much like dwelling on past mistakes, will only build a self-replicating pattern and get you nowhere.

Success means looking forward not backwards: below are the most important things I have learnt about dealing with rejection.

1. Don’t lie to yourself but don’t take things too personally

By Stefano Principato via Flickr

Obviously it isn’t a good idea to make excuses for next getting a job- it makes you feel like you’re lying to yourself and it stops you learning valuable lessons from the mistakes you’re afraid to admit to.

However, quite often rejection is simply a numbers game- sometimes you don’t make the cut for a completely arbitrary reason, and beating yourself up over it or overanalysing your performance won’t make any difference.

For example, I recently went for a job that required references to be submitted in advance; one of my referees was having a really busy week and failed to meet the deadline. What was more likely- that my qualifications and background weren’t good enough or that I was screened out simply for not meeting their requirements?

Similarly, sometimes the employers will have a certain type of person in mind for the job- rightly or wrongly- and if you aren’t what they want then it doesn’t matter how talented, dedicated or fabulous you are, you probably won’t get the job.

So next time you get a rejection be honest with yourself- did you do things wrong? If so, you can work to correct them. If it seems likely that you were just a victim of circumstance though, then just shrug it off- fate is a fickle mistress and the next job could be the opportunity you’ve been waiting for.

2. Remember success can be measured in many ways

By Hijukal via Flickr

This is a difficult lesson to learn but an important one; our society increasingly values specific academic qualifications and financial security as the most important measures of success. Are they important? Of course! But there are many, many ways to measure success in life that have nothing to do with what university you attended or how much money you’ve made.

Some people consider success to be raising a large, happy family and supporting them to follow their dreams, and some people measure success through the strength and number of their personal relationships:

Remember that quote from the Christmas movie ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’? “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends”. Corny, but true.

Still others consider success to be leaving a legacy of work- art, literature, a disease cure, architecture, research… what’s important is making their mark.

Some people measure their success through the number of lives they touch and change for the better.

The important thing to remember is that they can all be right: success is entirely subjective. If you feel like a failure, make sure you are measuring yourself by your criteria- not your parents’, your friends’ or society’s.

Set your own criteria but be prepared for it to change as you grow: don’t judge thirty year old you harshly by the criteria you set out when you were just graduating, realise that as you adapt to life, so too must your criteria.

By Subharnab via Flickr

3. Statistics are your friend and the world is your oyster

Yes the current job climate sucks and yes we all want a job; one of the advantages of the recession job hunt though is that the stigma attached to not being able to find a job is greatly reduced. People don’t assume that rejections are due to your inadequacies, they simply see you as a victim of the economy or the government: you don’t have a job because there are no jobs to get.

So statistics are your friend- they tell you that you’re not alone: 

2.45 million people are currently unemployed in the UK and 144.000 people were made redundant in the period from March to May alone this year. 

This means that the market has been flooded by experienced individuals looking for work, effectively blocking the attempts of graduates trying to get into more specialised skill based industries such as media and heritage.

Its also important to remember that every time you DON’T get a job a world of infinite opportunities still awaits you- you could do anything. Further, the market being what it is now is as good a time as any to follow your dreams. Competition is tough everywhere so you might as well do battle on a field of your choice.

The important thing is to take advantage of the opportunities that are open to you and to recognise that 2011 is a tough year to be applying for jobs. The odds are against you and the market is against you and more often than not, rejections will reflect the market pressures in play than the person you show yourself to be on your CV.