Homing Pigeon Syndrome

Photo by ZeroOne via Flickr

The A level results are in and the next batch of Britain’s bright eyed young hopefuls are off to university, leaving behind the nest, their parents and- in the case of my sister- me.

Around this time people start talking about 'empty nest' syndrome- parents having to deal with the absence of their offspring but increasingly I've been feeling the effects of a syndrome of my own that I have dubbed homing pigeon syndrome.

Increasingly as a result of the current economic climate students are graduating from university and heading straight back home. There is nothing wrong with this: many people have no other option (myself included) and for those who manage to obtain a decent starting salary it still makes sound fiscal policy to stay at home and save for a bit but it can leave you feeling disillusioned and stuck in a rut.

You feel that university was a bubble life that has now popped, leaving you right back where you started. This feeling is exacerbated if you have a sibling or cousin leaving for university this year, setting off to do all the fun things you've just left behind. For you life seems to be going nowhere- separated from your closest friends and no longer truly independent, it feels like you have to go back to being the person you were before you went away and grew up.

It's all too easy to get depressed about this situation but once you fall into the doldrums- as readers of the phantom toll-booth will know- it can be surprisingly hard to pull yourself out. Don't wallow in self pity- this will only make you feel worse, leading to a downward spiral into lethargy. Instead, why not take steps to combat this situation?

Get some Perpective
First get out of the house and, if possible, out of your neighbourhood completely. You need to gain some detachment before you can look at your situation with a clear head. If you can, visit or meet up with a friend in a similar situation- guaranteed sympathy and a connection to the life you're missing will give you the space you need to gain perspective.

Be Pro-active

Second, and I can’t stress this enough, BE PRO-ACTIVE. Sure, life hasn’t been as easy for you as it maybe has for other people but compared to a lot of people you’re still very, very lucky to even have the option of going home. At the end of the day no-one is going to organise your life for you (if you have parents that do please tell them politely to STOP- they’re not doing you any favours) and you’re just going to have to man up and deal with the hand you’ve been dealt; that’s what being an adult is about. So get back on the job search websites (using our handy guide provided here to maximise your efforts) but at the same time be preparing back up options in case it takes longer than you think.

If jobs are elusive, try and get non-paid experience in the fields you are interested in. If money’s an issue you can always combine this with shift work in the evenings or at weekends to pay for travel expenses and fun things. If even this doesn’t seem to be panning out volunteer for a charity in some capacity- employers are going to prefer this to you sitting on your butt and whining because life hasn’t worked out exactly how you planned it. This may sound harsh but I assure you this pep talk is for me as much as for anyone reading!

Change Your Environment

If living back at home feels like you’re regressing then put a new stamp on your living space: ask your parents if you can re-model your room or if you can convert some unused space- an attic, the cellar, a spare bedroom- into your own space. Chances are the last time your bedroom was decorated you didn’t have much say in the matter and taking the design into your own hands should hopefully make you feel that you are moving forwards and not just back where you started.

Stay In Touch

Lastly, remember out of sight doesn’t have to mean out of mind: ok so your best friends are no longer a corridor away, that doesn’t mean you’ll never see them again. Make plans regularly with as many people as possible, take full advantage of the social networking resources and electronic communication methods that are fully at our disposal. We are possibly the first generation that has no excuse for losing touch with old friends- we can interact with people all over the world at the touch of a keyboard; ten miles up the M1 really shouldn’t make that much of a difference.

So don’t be despondent over the future- it will sort itself out- but make every effort to help yourself in the present and the chances are it will all work out better than you hoped. Remember homing pigeons always come home to roost but its never long before they’re off again, and some of them have done pretty amazing things!