Love in the Time of Computers and Commuters Part 1

I spent this Valentine’s day with my grandmother. Several of my friends spent it with work colleagues or at home on the sofa. Even some of my coupled up friends didn’t have plans.

Why was this?

Because this year Valentine’s day was a Tuesday in half term and everybody had work or family obligations.

At university dating was very much a matter of choice and convenience- social life was easily available, everybody was your age and it didn’t really matter anyway because you were young.

Subconsciously, we all assumed that we would meet our long time partners there at some point (for some reason I persisted in this belief right up to graduation). 

Once you graduate and this hasn’t happened you realise two things:

  

    Your free time and social life almost completely disappear once you start work

                 

                    Other people are starting to get married

These two things can induce panic and/or despondency but they also bring about a dawning realisation that the way we go about looking for relationships is going to have to change. Setting aside chance meetings, fated lovers and kismet, most workers and postgrads meet their partner through work, mutual friends or online dating. Over the next couple of posts I will be examining the efficacy of these three methods using first-hand experience, dubious statistics and the hastily collected testimonies of my friends and co-workers.

Online Dating

Over the last few years the acceptance and utilisation of online dating as a legitimate form of courtship has grown exponentially, blossoming from the last resort of the truly desperate to the smart choice for the modern working girl or boy.

 As interest has grown, so too has the number of websites catering to the singles market and you can now find sites catering to the love-minded for almost any hobby, physical trait or idiosyncrasy you can think of, alongside more corporate mainstream forums such as match.com (For an amusing look at your options check out podcast- The Complete Guide toEverything and their episode dating part one).

Just how valid is the choice to go online with your love life though? Do the results support its apparent popularity? Well according to my survey of Wikipedia, 17% of married couples in 2010 had met online, and as soon as I mentioned the topic of online dating at work I was inundated with tales of success from friends and family, far outweighing any disaster stories that might have occurred. In fact, aside from the lingering prejudice that online dating is a bit ‘desperate’, few people had a bad word to say about it.

As I shamefacedly admit to an irrational dislike of online dating as an option for my own love life (despite enthusiastically championing it for other peoples’) I have ‘interviewed’ a friend who has regularly used online dating for a couple of years, albeit to date unsuccessfully, about her experiences with love online (Names withheld to protect the embarrassed).

Q When and why did you decide to start online dating?

A I started when I was still at uni because it wasn’t proving very successful. It just wasn’t very easy to meet people because when I went out I was drunk and the men I met only wanted one thing.

Q Do you think online dating is a better method of getting to know someone then?

A Not properly knowing someone. It gives you a start and it’s a way of meeting people you wouldn’t normally meet. (It’s more) checking the basics, checking you’re compatible.

Q How successful do you think online dating has been?

A For me personally not very, although it’s nice to speak to people. But my friend found her long- time partner that way and I’m quite picky.

Q Do you think online dating is a good option when working full time?

A Yes because there’s less time to get out and it’s nice to meet people outside of work.

Q Have you tried other methods of meeting people?

A Yes, work- its awkward when you split up though. Friends have been good (for meeting people) but again I’m picky

Q What’s your worst story from online dating?

A I’ve got two: one is meeting up with guys and them not looking like they should (from the picture) and I’m picky about looks, the other is the guy who was much keener than me and didn’t leave my house for five hours.

Q What advice would you give to people starting online dating?

A Be open to different kinds of people, be completely honest on your profile, message as many people as possible and when you write a message be interesting- don’t just write ‘Hi, how are you’.

So that’s the lowdown on online dating- a reasonable chance of success and a way to fit your search for romance around your schedule. It might not be the most romantic story to tell the grandchildren but it’s better than never having grandchildren at all… Tune in next time for all the information you need about meeting people through work and making the most of your friends and relatives.

The Guide to workwear part 1: Smart and The City

Photo by jcoldironjr2003 via Flickr

Despite the soaring unemployment figures, this year thousands of UK graduates will be entering the world of work and amidst the worries about commuting, working to deadlines, getting on with their boss, one thought will stand out from all the rest: what do I wear?
I wanted to address this worrying issue, however a minute's reflection showed me that really, I have no idea. So, rather than give up and leave the new workforce to their sartorial faux pas', I called in some outside help- lovely friends from a variety of fields who have offered their observations on the workwear in their environment. Their response was beyond what I could have hoped for, leading me to serialise their efforts over the next couple of weeks.

Part one are the musings of the lovely Annie An, who has considerable experience in looking successful, on what to wear if you're working in the city: law, banking and the more creative callings are covered in impressively thorough detail. So take notes and Enjoy!

Corporate

We've all seen the sea of black barging past us, rushing towards their majorly important appointment in the City, eternally shackled to their Blackberry "Smart" phones, so the obvious first step is to get yourself a power suit, preferably black. This is the most important component for interviews, client meetings and getting wasted at the local watering hole. Try good old Jermyn Street retailers such as T.M Lewin for something simple and relatively cheap. A blazer from Mango and some trousers from Next, however, is not a healthy alternative.

There are differences depending on which sector you work in: for example in Law it is more conservative and ladies should consider the skirt option over the trouser-suit whereas in Banking you could get away with a nice silk top and a pair of trousers. For women shirts, especially white shirts are not always compulsory- you can experiment with not too revealing tops and maybe even a black/dark coloured wrap dress. Just make sure you always have a jacket to hand in case a client or someone important drops in! Banana Republic stocks affordable workwear and Hobbs' City Wear collection holds a plethora of smart stylish clothes not necessarily aimed at middle aged dames who lunch.

Accessories should be kept simple and elegant in more conservative environments, however you can afford to be more liberal with the bling in finance -I know a female associate who isn't adverse to flashing her extensive collection of Cartier wrist wear.

For men, try a different suit and shirt combination: a navy suit and pink shirt or a grey-brown suit with a blue shirt for example. There generally aren't too many rules in Corporate Britain, just keep it professional. Charles Tyrwitt and Pink should be able to kit you out for all your suiting needs, however Bankers do seem to prefer the Salvatore Ferragamo suit and Hermes tie combination, just not before you make MD. The U.S however is a different questions all together. If you are male and a junior member of staff (i.e. analysts beware!)working in finance - DO NOT WEAR CUFF LINKS! What may seem to us mere Europeans as an essential part of work and formal attire, takes on a whole different meaning Stateside - you may not be thinking it but to the powers above know you are overreaching yourself, you are running before you can walk.

Creative Industries

You are the lucky lucky people, who get to wear almost anything to work- even at times skinny jeans and Converse! So experiment, go wild – just don’t dye your hair pink. For women it’s always a good idea to not bare too much flesh, remember this is still a work place. Keep the minis for the beach and the low cut tops for date night. For men, you still need to look presentable, so the hoodie and the “just rolled out of bed” look may have been ok for lectures but does not belong to the work place. In sectors such as Publishing and PR, people tend to be fashion forward and have their own style, so invest sometime into thinking about how you are presenting yourself to your peers as well as your clients. Remember you are also selling a brand/reputation, and who wants to buy the services of a heavily pierced Mohawk when they are promoting their new cookbook. In galleries and auction houses, it is often more conservative. Men are often seen in suits and women in skirt and blouse combos. Try Reiss or Anthropologie for a splash of artistic printing and embroidery.

Next week: Part 2- Teaching in Trousers